Latest News
%PM, %08 %748 %2014 %16:%Dec

PEN First Impressions

Written by
So where does a life long, International Superstar Soccer Pro supporting, FIFA dribble to the edge of the area and hit the score button hater go to get his kicks after a poor showing of PES 14 online and many ensuing controller rage tantrums? Here: 
After checking out of rehab and being introduced to the social side of PS4 gaming (yes Oz, X-Box has had it for ages and you are all frisky socialites who are so open minded you often cross dress and run about freely in freshly mowed meadows together) the idea of PEN floated across my agenda.
Slicklu (who in real life is one of the most generous people you'd meet, until he gets to the bar), the secret PES player despite knowing him for years, it turns out is a mafia-esque admin of this so called Pro Evo Network.
So what is it?
Well if you weren't one of the 343 people who kept/didn't return their X-Box One and made the right decision to get a PS4 then getting in the PEN league is like getting in here:


It's a parallel universe of real life football management delivered through a delightfully active forum and your copy of Pro Evo Soccer. Members are assigned a team of half wits that perform in game like Soco101 performs on the game, a brand that performs about as poorly on your retinas as Stevie Wonder's.... well anything and a transfer budget that offers some glimmer of hope like having a fiver left having bought your 'dream property' that needs a 'bit of work': 

So what next?
Well firstly you have to cut through the crap. This takes the form of Wheresmark trying to talk up his disgustingly poor previous transfer choices, Ozmaster doing his best to keep hold of his speed cheats despite a wage bill bigger than Pistorious's lawyers pockets and your own self-delusion that Nicholas Bendtner may actually be as good as he says he is.
Next step is to keep taking on the advice of our cheeky Southerners Nicshone and Baz whilst always cross referencing anything anyone ever says with our crazy Dutch counterparty Chicken because he's a dad and dads don't lie (he's like the dad to Shakiras hips.... sounds nice).
After all of this you find yourself where I am now, about to embark on an emotional rollercoaster with the migraine developing Sunderland (or Wearside as I fondly call them) with a team full of players who mostly have 2 functioning legs and not a lot else, with a war chest of some money that could be worth lots or could be the equivalent of having a packet of crisps.... who knows!
Time will tell....
Chucka - AFC Sunderland.
Read 1654 times Last modified on %PM, %09 %033 %2014 %23:%Dec