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Tuesday, 16 December 2014 13:04

Who has entered the slags?

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There’s one force in the PEN league that can call itself the ultra-powerhouse of the place, the pinnacle of football skills and the most formidable opponent any manager can imagine. That is FC Slag, mythical club residing on soccer Parnassus, enlisting the best of the best, top slag players that have emerged in the league. This team doesn’t even have to wear their football boots on. They never lose.

They never draw. They never even play any game. Their victory is in the fear and wraith they summon on the mere look on their squad.
The beginning of the season saw their activity pushed to the extreme, by the order of DevilteK himself. All managers offered their best players to this rating-greedy beast, hoping to get some puny scraps from king’s table in return. And so they did, because the Board of Directors who serve as FC Slag’s highest priests are wise and lavish, harsh and gentle at the same time. And their decisions brought good to both FC Slag and PEN managers, their humble servants.

As the season started just yesterday, the You Know Which team has squad full of masters of football. Their goal is guarded by the Polish Premiership Machine Wojciech Szczesny. Born in Warsaw, Poland, a son of top polish goalie Maciej Szczesny, Wojtek was offered to the BOD by Ozmazster, who couldn’t stand constant rays of awesomness blasting from his gloves.

Together with Godin the Destructor they reinforced FC Slags defence, bringing along Immobile the Immobile to grow them some claws for the team at the same time. David Alaba, F. Coentrao and the latest signing Mathieu, will defend the left flank, while the right full back position is going to be dominated by Philip Lahm, age 89, the German evergreen who is supposed to run tirelessly for 120+ minutes even at the age of 100.


The midfield, now, midfielders of FC Slag need to be pronounced with respect, for these are the greatest names in the modern football. Arturo Vidal himself has been sacrificed by Slicklu, slicky individual wheelin’ and dealin’ players on the market restlessly. He has got juicy return, including Adrian Mierzejewski, the Pole playing currently for Al-Nassr and having great season (being the only guy in the team who actually can play football). Side by side with Vidal you can see Enzo Perez, pimped to FC Slag by Bazzyboy, mickyjustice’s sex slave Koke (he just got bored with him) and Matuidi, tidy Frenchman who could no longer satisfy spragga’s kinky desires.


Another Slicklu’s scapegoat Callejon can be found on the right wing together with Marco Reus, whom Roberto Larcos brokered just today after hearing Reus might actually move to a bigger club in real life and get massive overall rating increase in the game. Poor Roberto just did the leap of faith before his wages reached round 300 million and we can’t blame him for that.


Forward players of FC Slag are no different than Emenike, Nigerian black mamba who joined Slag-tastics as a first player offered by mukremin, in return for the luck he had winning the title last season, Negredo, forsaken by mickyjustice exchanging him for a new bunch of minions and Palacio, weird guy with even more weird hairdo, who wants people think his head is a rodeo bull. But The Board sees past that and found him good enough to join ranks of FC Slag.
As more and more offers are coming to Board of Directors, we will certainly see some exciting new signings anytime soon. Delight yourself with the look of FC Slag squad for one last time now….and we will keep you posted.

Read 1176 times Last modified on Thursday, 18 December 2014 12:01