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Saturday, 07 November 2015 14:29

ACHIN' FOR HAKAN

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Earlier this year it emerged, after a stellar first season at Roma, the freekick god, chubby eared, rat faced assassin, Hakan Calhanoglu was given time off to deal with personal issues. He was due back in training on October 29th. As Alexander Panderini waited at the airport like a giddy fat girl waiting next to mr kiplings reject bin, the whole of Rome was eager to get their star man back in the team and bagging freekicks. Alas, as the arrival herd became smaller and smaller it seemed young Hakan wasn't amongst the arrivals, infact, after later investigations it appears he never even boarded the plane in Turkey.

So where is he? Good question. One that still lingers with very little to no answers available. when questioned, the Roma boss had this to say. "Where is he? You f***ing tell me! Do you know how muchI paid for him? Do you know how many death threats I've recieved from fans telling me to find him? Do you know how many death threats I've sent to the Turkish authoroties demanding immediate return of my prized asset? Do you know how many eggs I had this morning? Do you know how many soldiers I used to spell out his name on my plate? exactly, you know nothing, I know nothing. I drink myself to sleep at night and dream about him until I wake."

With all the mystery surrounding Calhanoglu's whereabouts, there maybe lack of answers but there is no shortage in theories. Some suggest he has had a mental breakdown and is on the top of a turkish mountain repeatadly striking imaginary freekicks in from 30 yards. Others say he has been gunned down by Turkish team mate Gokhan Tore and burried underneath the Turkish Delight Restraunt, Although this was a claim made by the owner and is probably a ploy to gain custom. Another theory is the controversial Roma boss, Panderini, had made a sexual pass at Calhanoglu which put the Turkish wizard in an uncomfortable position and reluctant to return to italy, it's widely believed Alexander Panderini has Calhanoglu posters covering his bedroom wall, some of which are just his head stuck onto naked male model posters so says his maid (who also filed rape allegations against the Roma head coach before settling out of court).
All very real theories but yet nothing solid as to his whereabouts and so the search continues,while Roma prepare for season 8 without their best attacking option. When will he return? well, that maybe be the question all Roma fans are asking, but the only real answer is, he will return.

Read 568 times Last modified on Thursday, 17 December 2015 06:46