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Tuesday, 15 December 2015 15:34

Haj-Trick Hajrovic

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While many other managers were hand picking superstars and household names to benefit their respective line-ups, while huge sums of money were being tossed around the transfer market like a condom that transforms any girl into Beyonce, while the wage committee was crumpling under the weight of their own egos, Alexander Panderini was in the back garden, wearing nothing but his girlfriends underwear, polishing the dirtiest rocks he could find, quietly hoping to find that illusive diamond.

Late on a cold December afternoon, accross europe, the Birmingham City manager listed an unknown midfielder by the name of Izet Hajrovic on the popular buying and selling website The Roma boss stumbled upon the advertisement in between danger wanks, in line at his local post office. The facts are unclear but witnesses say he pushed over an old lady in front of him and trod on her face as he rushed out of the main entrance screaming, "It's him, It's my diamond!" The rest is history.

Izet Hajrovic was given the famed number 7 jersey and thrust into the starting line up in a home game against Santos FC, the sceptics and critics lie at the ready, waiting to pounce on the Roma head coach for trusting such an unknown bum in such an important league fixture. Panderini however, stood on the touchline with a grin bigger than the Norwich managers wasteline and the Toulouse managers wing span put together, as if he knew something we didn't. Of course he did. Izet Hajrovic went on to score an incredible hat-trick, the first in this managers tenure, winning the game for the italians 3-0. Roma had found their new diamond in the dirt, their new superstar and in one single game the new signing all but repaid the modestr 7million PENce transfer fee.

In the games and friendlies following his debut, Hajrovic has rocketed to stardom and become a notorious thorn in the sides of all those who oppose him and his affiliates. He's been given nickname after nickname and had countless songs created in his honour. Some of the most memorable names given to the 24 year old Bosnian are, Izet 'the hitman' Hajrovic, 'Hyro-glitch' and 'Izet, yes it is'. Chants include popular 90's children show rosie and jim remaster, "Who's a bitch? your a bitch, made a mug of by Hajrovic," another fan favourite is "Haji Haji smash it with ya left! smash it with your left!" along with that, a song we know all too well, "no no no no no no no no no no no no HAJ-RO-VIC!"

The people of Rome may be getting carried away with themselves so early in the midfielders stint in the capital, but it's hard not to be aroused when he cuts inside and lines up a shot with that freakishly overwhelming left boot. May he destroy all who get in his way. Long live King Hajrovic, tearing it up since last week.

Read 1084 times Last modified on Thursday, 17 December 2015 06:56

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