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Sunday, 08 May 2016 17:38

VILLARREAL DECLARES WAR

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Goat261 is coming off the back of his worst season in PEN history, in a career that spans ten years he had never finished outside the top four, until now. Was it a blip, or is this the beginning of the end for PENs longest serving manager?

Before we start i would like to divert you attention to the big screen. Here are the highlights from our pre season tour, this is a sign of things to come, PS4 Premier League, consider yourself warned!

Teams usually concentrate on conditioning during the lead up to a new season, but instead your intensive pre season training schedule was heavily focused on shooting?
Yes that was the case, we don't need athletes, we let the ball do the work and after many failed attempts on goal we had to take drastic action (going from basic to manual shooting) and trust me when i tell you this, it will be raining goals for Villarreal this season.

 

How do you plan on coping with the departure of your player of the season Pastore?
I can't lie, we will miss his creativity in the final third, like the fans we are unhappy to lose him, but we were 15m over our wage budget so drastic action had to be taken. I understand they are angry we haven't splashed the cash on a replacement, but once they see Denis Suarez in action they will forget all about Pastore. I'm confident this is the year he will have his breakthrough season here at Villarreal.

 

 

There has been a lot of talk in regards to Mahrez vs Cerci, can you confirm who will be first choice?
Yes it's true, Mahrez has had a significant wage increase (now 18m per season) but that doesn't mean we have seen the last of Cerci. Cerci is still our record buy after signing for the club three years ago, he is THE legend of this club and his time is not over. It's going to be a long season and I expect both players to shine.

 

 

Talking of record fees. There has been talk of another club record bid for Dybala?
It's no secret we've coveted Dybala for three years (he was my first buy in the xbox league pre merge) with multiple offers of 100m since his return to PEN a year ago. With the recent departures of both Pastore + Mario Gaspar and 95m in the bank you can come to your own conclusion as to whether we have made another bid or not *wink wink*

 

 

What are your views on your rivals suggesting you are a relic, a fossil whose time is over?
A fossil you say? Well, have you seen Jurassic Park? Like the T-Rex this fossil will reign supreme once again.

 

Who are you expecting to challenge for the title this season?
Mark is that you, no? oh, never mind its just that you must be high. None of these so called contenders can hold a candle to the goat. Big Boss is the paper champion, ill be taking my crown back thank you very much and theres nothing anyone can do about it.

 

You were involved in a major scandal last season, how did that effect the team?
It's clear for everyone to see, before the scandal broke we were gunning for the title with 11 wins in 15 and conceding 18 in the first half of the season. When the scandal was headline news during the six week winter break we went on to win just 4 games and lose 8 in the final 15, conceding a staggering 39. We will put that right this season!

 

Your league form was diabolical but arguably even worse was your cup run, which was a major flop, eliminated in the very first round by a third tier team, you cant be happy with that?
First of all calm down Billy big bollocks, look we were knocked out on penalties after a battle with Sampdoria. PhillyRich's team defended like warriors and played with the heart of champions, they deserved to win that game. However this season will be very different, we will crush, chew up and spit out every team we face in this seasons cup, because that's right, we're going for the PEN double to prove all the doubters wrong.

 

It sounds like you are in buoyant mood, which is a surprise considering the disappointment of last season and the loss of your star player.
Why wouldn't I be? I'm the goat, forget last season, stop living in the past you snide slug and even though I respect Pastore we all know I'm fundamental to this clubs success.

 

This is not the end, the war has only just begun!

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