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Wednesday, 17 January 2018 12:15

PS D1 East Season 12 - Reaching The Promised Land

Written by Benstatman

PS4 Division 1 East - Season 12 - Who can reach the promised land?

 

Division 1 East is tough, some have controversially suggested that this league is the real Division 1 with the West-side trailing behind in quality. While my beloved Athletic Bilbao face a potential relegation I am working 24/7 to crunch the numbers in order to figure out ways to bring in more capital to pay off a hefty loan repayment that is looming over the club. Therefore here is a summary of the movers and shakers in our division written to shamelessly bring a bit more cash into my struggling club.

Alex Cage - sounds like a wrestler, plays like one too. Alex will put the smack down on you with his frenetic playstyle, heavily influenced by his fellow German Jurgen Klopp's Liverpool side, Alex is as vocal down the mic as Klopp is on the touchline. Most definitely a promotion candidate. 

 

Alex Selva - Alex likes his players small, compact and able to fit through tight spaces. There is a fluid, artistic nature to his play yet this Pro Evo Da Vinci doesn't always get the results his play deserves. He picked up three points against me courtesy of a void result due to the Bilbao manager fielding an ineligible player. Will this result prove pivotal come the end of the season?

 

Bluebird - It was a sad day for PEN when blueyboy left the site yet every cloud does indeed have a silver lining as it meant Bluebird stopped receiving pm's about blueyboy's players. Absolutely battered me in our fixture, with only the 30 shots on goal so I expect Mr Bird to reach the playoffs at the very least.

 

Brizzle - Always an absolute gent over the mic, even when I had the audacity to play as his beloved Liverpool against him. Even though I got the victory that day we both made the playoffs only to fall at the first hurdle. Another PEN regular that has struggled in the transition to PES 2018, is Brizzle forever destined to be a D1 bum?

 

Cullen - I played Cullen around Christmas time when the modern day slave labourers Amazon HQ were working him to the bone. Hopefully they've given him a more regular work schedule now so that he can concentrate on the important things in life, like winning league fixtures.

 

D rock - Pronounced D-Rock (a stolen gamer tag) and originating from Thailand, nobody is quite sure of his true identity. Upon entering his maiden season on PEN, D Rock has found the wins hard to come by but has made some interesting signings for the future.

 

DJ Quantum - After a great start to the season DJ surprised us all when he asked for a team reset from the BOD.  Rumour has it DJ dons a better pair of gnashers then Brendan Rodgers himself, so perhaps he is banking on the PEN Gods to send some Celtic players his way.

 

Hesham - The Bangles once sang Walk like an Egyptian, well Hesham actually is one. I only realised this after playing him, as for all I knew he could have fallen off the endless conveyer belt of Scottish members we have on the site. Hesham is tasked with the daunting mission to make Egypt great again which he is endeavouring to do with a full throttle approach to his league fixtures. Should score enough to stay up. 

 

Jedagi - I'm not going to jump into any cliché age-related jokes as Kitchengun has pretty much exhausted that content. The Last Jedi may have taught us that Gino's kind are a dying breed but that doesn't stop him utilising "the force" in our league games. I have never beaten Gino in a competitive fixture.

 

Kitchengun - Kitchen has endured a difficult couple of seasons after off the field problems meant he was turfed out of his home. He grabbed everything he could muster, his PS4 & 4K TV bundled under his arm only to forget his sleeping children left inside. Building an entire team of BFG's (Big f**king Giants), Kitchen is looking to put his league woe behind him to prove that ultimately, size does matter.

 

Lisoti - Lisoti is so obsessed with maintaining possession that he practices shielding the ball from his five year old in their back garden on a daily basis. In all fairness this Flying Dutchman had made a solid start to the season but you always worry that he will talk himself out of a game. The only person that can beat Lisoti is Lisoti. Or Konami.

 

Macadonna - Maca's plans for World Domination were scuppered by an unfortunate bout of dysentery which is currently putting him out of action. We'll spare you the gory details but lets just say Northern boys may love gravy but not when its pouring out of your arse. It is unknown whether this may prove to be a season-defining injury.

 

Phoenixhako - Has mysteriously been missing since the dawn of the season. Some say he is laying low after becoming romantically involved with the daughter of a head honcho from a Turkish crime syndicate. Others have suggested this is simply a ploy to build the strongest possible side before actually playing a game.

 

Positive H - Our solitary French member will seduce you into a false sense of security with his natural sexual charm. Cum face? More like cum voice. Still finding his feet which was arguably a poor starting squad but a talented player nonetheless. Should be a comfortable mid-table finish in his debut season.

 

Gav - Gav plays manual. Gav is a geezer. Gav gets the job done. 'Nuff said.

 

Slicklu - Absolute veteran of the game and the PEN community. Was playing PES when he was still in nappies, at the age of seven. Has an unhealthy obsession with a certain Muriel, a relationship which is blooming, as he sits at the top of the division. My favourite for the D1 East title.

 

Zakremoor - Zak is a true disciple of Johan Cruyff's lineage of Total Football, adopting a Van Gaal like 3-4-3 formation only far more entertaining. With the league's top goal scorer in Huntelaar up top it reminds you of a time when Holland were good again, only without the Nigel De Jong karate kicks. I feel as though an automatic promotion is on the cards for this guy.

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